The truth about what happened at the end of the fifth week of law school

Registrar: Ladies and gentlemen, our students can no longer get refunds of their tuition.
Dean: Excellent. You may release the hounds.
Professor X: I will be assigning the following as reading, just for one day’s work:

(Actual portion of assignment) Read pp. 182-183 of the Casebook. Read Rules 4(a), 4(e), 4(h), 6(b), 7, 8(b), 11, 12, 15(a), 19 and 83. Read Forms 19 and 20 (at pp. 156-158 of the Rule Book). For background on subject matter jurisdiction, see 28 U.S.C. §§ 1331 and 1332 at pp. 617-618 of the Rule Book. For background on venue, see 28 U.S.C. § 1391 at pp. 625-626 and 28 U.S.C. § 1404(a) at p. 628 of the Rule Book. The federal venue statutes allocate business among the different federal district courts. For information about the structure of the districts, see 28 U.S.C. § 133 at pp. 594-596 of the Rule Book.

Professor Y: Are you sure that is good enough? I think that’s rather light. To increase the load, I am going to assign my legislation small group assignments to be due early next week, to make sure there is enough to do.
Professor Z: Simply making a small group assignment does little to increase the pressure.
Professor Y: You are right. I will make it so that a nominal increase in grade is possible if the product is wonderful. Of course, the odds of any group actually getting that nominal increase are akin to being struck by a comet, but the carrot dangled in front of the students will be irresistible.
Professor Z: (Evil chuckle) Much better. And I, for one, will be assigning Rule Explanation and Application papers to be due every week to ensure that no spare time exists for them.
Professor Q: That doesn’t seem so bad.
Professor Z: Ah, but you forget; these students have never written anything like these papers. And we will make it more difficult by not telling them how to do it first except for what they read in their textbooks.
Professor Q: That is stupendous in its evil.
Professor Z: (Noticeably pleased) Thank you.
Professor Q: All I am doing is increasing my reading I require.
Professor R: (disgusted) Can’t you do better than that?
Professor Q: I’m new! Cut me some slack!
Dean: We cut you plenty of slack. I was pleased to see you assigning hard work from the beginning. It helped keep the students’ interest and lulled them into complacency in every other subject.
Professor Q: (relieved) Thank you.
Professor R: You will be pleased to know I am starting our favorite portion of the first year curriculum.
Professors X, Y, and Z: The Kingsfield impersonation?
Professor R: Absolutely. I will be peppering random students with hypothetical tort situations, requiring them to cite authority for all that they say.
All cast: (Maniacally) BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Law Fixation

The Supreme Court of Utah has issued an important ruling that equates crotch-grabbing with lewdness. Remind Michael Jackson to avoid Salt Lake City.

I recommend using the News of the Weird Search function for cheap laughs. Culled from there:

1992 -- Legally, corporations are considered entities separate from their owners, even when only one person owns basically all of the corporation, as in the case of Peter E. Maxwell, employee and 95 percent owner (with his wife) of Hi Life Products of Chino, Calif. Last summer, the U.S. Tax Court ruled Maxwell could keep the $122,000 settlement he won from his firm for negligence when he was injured at work in a 1977 accident. He had hired a lawyer to represent himself as an employee, then hired another lawyer to represent the firm, then worked with the two lawyers to arrange a settlement satisfactory to both Maxwell the corporate owner (which got a tax deduction) and Maxwell the employee (who received his money tax-free).

I have seen the enemy and it is Overlawyered.com.